Breakdown

Date: August 1, 2005
Song(s) of the Day: Mariah Carey's "Shake it off" and Mariah Carey feat. Snoop Dogg "Say Somethin'"

Of course something had to go wrong...I was feeling way TOO damn good....

The line: "I'm a busy person and I don't really have time for someone serious right now".

Now for all you fellas who use this line on a female and you think it's valid, I just want to let you know that each and everyone of you who have used this deserve to have a brick thrown through your damn car window and cornmeal poured down your gas tank. Thank you.

Sigh....And then there was me....

So...you remember Irish right? You remember how I was so infatuated with him and how I wanted to give him all my time, etc., etc.? Yeah, well I had sent him a text message this past Tuesday, my little love letter to him saying:

The first (7/27 2:05 am): I've been drinkin', all these guys r on me, but then I think of u & they just don't compare. I feel so lucky 2 B with u. :)

The second (7/27 3:08 am): Wish I could take the harshness away from the sun so it would b easier 4 u (He works in 98+ degree weather). Have a great day @ work. Missing u more than u know.

I hadn't heard from him, seen him or anything that whole week, so I was missing him and his embrace you know. So I had sent that to him on a Tuesday, he didn't call me, text me back, send a carrier pigeon or nothing until 2 days later. AND the only reason I THINK he really called me on Thursday was so that he could get the Thermal Applications hmwk.

You hear that?!! I'm his Thermal Applications Sugar Mama!!

Does this seem a little bit weird now, because it was for me, however I kept on coming up with the excuse that he's busy and he works 12 hour shift days, so I need to be understanding here.

Man was I kidding myself. But I'll get into that later.....

So later on that night we hook up to go eat. Were eating at La Azteca Mexican Restaurant having a mello time. At the end of the dinner, he says, "Gina, I think we need to talk because I think your genuinely mad at me for something".

Now at first I tried to play it off, because THEN I wasn't really mad, just a bit flustered (in my case that is a HUGE difference).

I said, "Well, yeah a bit. It's just that I miss you and I wish that we could spend more time together or that I could hear from you more often. I'm high maintenance in the sense that if I don't get enough attention from someone I get, to sum it all up...bitchy".

He said, "Well, I thought I told you in the beginning that I was going to be busy and that I didn't have time for anyone serious right now".

Busy, not unattainable, shit.
And who said anything about serious. I just wanna know you care sucka!!

Right then and there I should of known that the word "I'm busy", is the sound of him giving me my walking papers.

We finish the discussion calm and cool and go out to meet "Renaissance beauty" and her new beau.

We're chilling out having a good time and then it hits around 12 am and he has to go. I'm sorry, you have to go?!! I haven't seen or heard from you all week and we've spent about a good 3 hrs together with each other TODAY and now you have to go!!

Now you know one of my famous hazards about me drinking is that any emotion that I'm feeling at that time while inebriated is heightened ten fold. Thus when I'm happy, I'm a damn maniac (and a pretty fun one too so I'm told), but when I'm sad...this happens...

He's getting up to leave, "RB and beau" are doing something somewhere away from us, I am on the brink of tears. He gives me a hug to console me but then tells me that he's got to get up in 6 hrs for work, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah....
He doesn't want me to leave, thus he decides to walk home.
Alright, this isn't something I should get upset over, you know my personality, but it was fuckin' eating me up inside and making me doubt myself as dating material. Did I do something wrong? Am I too clingy? Do I really have to go through this AGAIN with another kat?,etc.

After a crying drive home from that night (yeah, I know I cried on the drive home. Someone bitch slap my ass-ets, please to give me SOMETHING to cry about) and after compiling my thoughts in a sober manner I came up with this.

This motherfucka is CUT from the playlist. After reviewing the talks we have had in the past, the talk at La Azteca, and my past experiences these are the conclusions I've came up with:

1) NO ONE is ever that busy. If you REALLY care about someone you will MAKE time to spend with them. During your lunch break, after hours, text messaging while you take a shit, SOMETHING!! Hell, I remember when I was working at Jillian's 5 days a week (opening and closing), having to deal with school, had my own place, trying to buy this real estate which took up a RIDICULOUS amount of my time, trying to do all my RIDICULOUSLY lenghty homework and STILL spit game and MAKE TIME for "Schmoe Joe" who was my "beau" at the time!! Schmoe Joe KNEW I cared for HIM!! So DO NOT give me that busy shit. Stop being a lazy bitch and call bitch!!

2) Don't get caught in a contradiction with me because I will call you on it. You say your so busy and that you don't have time to call/text me, but you have time to spend with your boys after work?!! When I'm thinkin' this motherfucka is tired and going straight to sleep after working a 12 hr shift in the sun, I come to find out that he's amped and ready to go party with his friends afterwards. Oh HELL NAW!!

3) He has just moved into a new house with his friends. And he told me that he will be "so busy" that the only thing that he'll have time for are his 2 best friends/roommates, his job and school. Notice how I didn't make the playlist. Bitch slap in my face buddy. Him: 21 Gina: 0
This kat is young!! Whenever you would rather spend MORE time with your boys, than your girl. Yo!! Your a fetus.

4) After this whole breakdown incident on Thursday, he has still YET to call/text me. Now, if you care about someone, even the least amount, would you not call them to make sure that they are doing okay?!! Wouldn't you make an effort, no matter how awkward, to show them that you give a rats ass?!! Yeah....well he hasn't.

5) Mariah Carey, Sade, Joss Stone and Rob Thomas are really good "healing" albums. Thanx guys.

I got my feelings hurt, nasty, but I learned ALOT of things about myself as well. At this point now, I'm basically just shaking him off and still celebrating sexy.

Peace, love and I-rish someone will pour cornmeal down your gas tank...but I'm not mad :)